Our Charming Reviewers


Name: Love Bites

Tell us about yourself:
Do you know what the difference is between a hockey mom and a skater mom? Skater moms don't wear lipstick.

What are your qualifications?
I'm used to telling people to do things they don't want to do: I'm a mother.

What are some favorites?
Black fishnets & Dirty Mary Janes in suburbia. Hot Topic meets Ann Taylor. BDSM mixed with white picket fences. Warped Tour with my kids.

Any last words?
Most people have delusions of adequacy. Including me.



Name: Calamity

Tell us about yourself: Equal parts southern belle and southern hellion. Pearls and pearl necklaces; steel magnolias and steel-toed boots. Fuck you, sugar.

What are your qualifications:
There's a guideline for this sort of thing? Ok, well, I can spot an apostrophe catastrophe in a second and I'm wicked with a red pen.

What are some favorites:
James Bond, chocolate, James Bond covered in chocolate, anti-heroes, anecdotes, writing instruments, people-watching in airports in foreign countries, the "Random article" button on Wikipedia, adult bookstores, chianti, southern gothic, Depeche Mode, Dwight Yoakam, BBC, PBS, THC.

Any last words:
"No one can be exactly me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it." -- Tallulah Bankhead


Name: Vivian VonDoom

Tell Us About Yourself: Preparing for the apocalypse in the Mid-West is no small feat. Give me one good tornado shelter, canned goods and a notebook and I'm happy. I'm not saying it's going to be a zombie invasion but can you say it won't be?

What are your qualifications: Editing replacement window brochures all day long has prepared me for staying awake through even the most mundane. I've always been better at standing on the outside, looking in and telling you what you can do better.

What are some favorites? Pin-ups, zombies and hobo dance parties. Beer, vodka cocktails, a good steak and barbecue. Mid-West summers and East Coast autumn. Sitting on my deck with my favorite read or my laptop writing complete nonsense.

Any last words: Arrogance is only attractive if you've got the stuff backing it up.



ON TEMPORARY HIATUS:

Name: Nutjobber

Tell us about yourself:
I like my coffee how I like my women: hot, creamy, and with that dish-detergent aftertaste you get from leaving the pot in soapy-water for too long.

What are your qualifications?
I am a writing FIEND.

What are some favorites?
Black licorice, wordsmithing, when someone deserving trips and
hurts themselves, sunshiny days, elegant blog-craftsmanship, the terse indignity that follows the obliteration of an overblown ego, puppy-dogs.

Any last words?
Bah.

Name: Bitter Mistress

Tell us about yourself:
Christ, talk about being put on the spot...I'm sex-starved and sex-crazed...two characteristics that should never co-exist in the same human shell. I drink too much, smoke too much, have visible tattoos, and have a bad attitude about men. And my mother wonders why I'm single.

What are your qualifications?
Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. I think that sums it up.

What are some favorites?
Well, if you swear a lot and talk about sex, I'll probably like you.

Any last words?
I'm ill-tempered and under-medicated. I also blow smoke rings and blog when I'm drunk.